The Struggle Is Real....But So Is The Balance

I think there is a secret society that most women join without even realizing it.

The Society of Doers.

You know the one.

We are the moms, wives, daughters, sisters, friends, caregivers, organizers, chauffeurs, meal planners, appointment makers, encouragers, problem-solvers, workers, volunteers, and the people who somehow know where everyone’s missing sock is.

We wear a LOT of hats.

And for many of us, we put those hats on willingly.

Proudly, even.

I know I did.

For years, I embraced being needed. I took pride in being the person who could handle things, keep things moving, remember the details and make sure everyone was okay.

And honestly?

I loved many of those roles.

But what I didn't fully understand at the time was the amount of pressure I was quietly putting on myself.

Because when you spend years being "on," being needed can become your normal.

Your nervous system gets very good at it.

Go. Go. Go.

What's next?

Who needs me?

What needs to be done?

Don't forget this.

Don't forget that.

Keep moving.

And then one day…

The house gets quieter.

The kids grow up.

The schedules change.

The constant demands begin to shift.

And suddenly, you find yourself wondering:

Who am I when I'm not constantly doing something for someone else?

Well…

Hello.

I'm Dar.

And I'm figuring that one out too.

I'm a newbie empty nester, and I will admit that this new chapter has caught me a little off guard.

I thought I would be ready.

I thought I'd embrace the freedom.

And I do.

But there is also this strange space between who I was and who I'm becoming.

I'm learning how to go from that constant "ON" button…

to idle…

and sometimes, quite honestly, to OFF.

I'm learning how to regulate my own nervous system after years of being accustomed to responding, anticipating and doing.

And I'm learning something that I wish every woman coming behind me could know sooner:

You don't have to wait until the house is quiet to give yourself permission to rest.

If you're raising teenagers right now, I see you.

If you're in the thick of motherhood, balancing kids, marriage, work, family and approximately 47 other responsibilities, I see you.

If you're the woman everyone calls because "you'll know what to do," I see you.

And if you're already sitting comfortably in your new empty nest, figuring out what this next chapter looks like…

I see you too.

Because there is no perfect timeline for figuring ourselves out.

There is only the chapter we're in.

And maybe that's the point.

Maybe instead of constantly trying to get to the next chapter, we can learn to actually embrace the one we're living.

Not because it's easy.

Not because everything is balanced.

But because our lives are happening right now.

And somewhere along the way, we need to stop treating rest like a reward we earn after everything else is finished.

Because let's be honest…

Everything is never finished.

There will always be another load of laundry.

Another appointment.

Another email.

Another person who needs something.

Another reason to put ourselves last.

So perhaps rest isn't something we squeeze in when we have time.

Perhaps rest is part of the life we're creating.

Perhaps it is just as valuable as being productive.

Just as valuable as being a good mom.

Just as valuable as being a good wife, sister, daughter, friend, employee or business owner.

Rest is not stepping away from your life.

It is part of taking care of the woman who is living it.

And here's what I want the women coming behind me to know:

You don't have to learn this the hard way.

You don't have to wait until you're exhausted to slow down.

You don't have to prove your worth by how much you can carry.

You don't have to earn the right to take a breath.

And you certainly don't have to apologize for needing one.

The women before us forged a path.

The women beside us are walking it with us.

And perhaps our job now is to make that path a little gentler for the women coming behind us.

Let's teach our daughters, our sisters, our friends—and ourselves—that taking care of ourselves isn't selfish.

Let's show them that strength can look like slowing down.

That balance doesn't mean everything is perfectly even.

Sometimes balance looks like doing.

Sometimes it looks like letting go.

Sometimes it looks like showing up.

And sometimes it looks like putting your feet up and saying:

"Not today."

The struggle is real.

But so is the balance.

And maybe we don't need to find balance once and hold onto it forever.

Maybe we simply need to keep giving ourselves permission to find it again and again.

Wherever you are in your journey…

with the toddlers,

the teenagers,

the grown children,

the empty nest,

or whatever beautiful, messy chapter comes next…

you are allowed to take charge of your destination.

You are allowed to slow down.

You are allowed to rest.

You are allowed to change.

You are allowed to discover a new version of yourself.

And you are absolutely allowed to enjoy the life you've spent so much time building.

Because the woman behind all those hats?

She's still there.

And maybe it's time we get to know her a little better.

The struggle is real.

But ladies…

so is the balance.

Let's make room for both.